Accepting Failed Expectations

Ever find yourself thinking this is not how you expected your life to turn out?

I think about it everyday.

Not in a depressed-midlife-crisis kind of way or anything. I've just realized that nothing in my life has really turned out the way I thought it would.

I always thought that I would be this successful, independent career woman after high school. I was going to have a successful career by 23, married by 24 and have my first child at 26 years old. Clearly, I was delusional.

I'm now nearly 26 years old, single, career-less, drowning in student debt, and completely clueless about life.

I remember vaguely in my final year of high school, my guidance councillor, Mrs. O'Brien, asked me what I wanted to do after graduation. I remember staring at her, not knowing what to say or how to answer. I believe it was the very first crossroad in my life....and I ended up taking the wrong turn.

I chose to take a year off after high school to "figure out" what I wanted to do with my life. I worked random jobs, living paycheck to paycheck. I told myself (and everyone else) that I was going save some money for college and travel a little to help find my passion in life. I ended up doing neither of those things. One year became two, then three, and then four. I had zero savings and absolutely no money for traveling. I was exhausted and unhappy. I wanted change, but had no idea which direction in life to take next. I felt like I wasted four precious years of life.

Eventually, I enrolled in college. I had my first student loan at the age of 23. I studied business for three years. I figured that it was the most expansive (random) program and would likely bring forth a rewarding career. I majored in international business because I thought it would grant me the opportunity to travel the world. I went into the program with so many doubts and graduated full of confidence and high expectations for the future. I was ready to conquer the world and the job market. Little did I know, the job market could only afford to hire me on never ending contractual terms. It's been almost two years since I graduated and I have yet to find an organization willing to take me on as a full time permanent employee. I was even laid off as a contractual employee. It was heartbreaking. 

Now, here I am again nearly 26 years old, single, career-less, drowning in student debt, and still trying to figure out my life's purpose and passion. More than ever, I wish to travel the world. I want to find myself and discover my passion. I don't want to be stuck in this "contractually employed" limbo, but for now this is my reality and I will have to accept it and learn to work with it. Sometimes, I think about the choices I've made and how different my life could've of been had I made different choices earlier. Then, I get sad and feel pitiful about myself. And I realize, what's the point of regretting the past? It's not like we can go back and re-live it again. 

I guess the whole point of this is to say, accept your failed expectations and move on. Better yet, LIVE ON. Continue to live life, even if it means working contractual jobs, living paycheck to paycheck, dreaming about traveling the world, meeting your soul mate and finding your passion in life. 

I believe that everything happens for a reason and it will all fall into place in time.

I will continue to work my contractual jobs and pay off my student loans.
I will travel the world and maybe even live abroad sometime in the near future.
I will find my life's passion and find my bliss.. in time!

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